From: RaValliano@aol.com
Date: Sat, 5 Sep 1998 21:35:21 EDT
Subject: Eleventh Hour (7a/11) by Rachel Anton


Title: Eleventh Hour (7a/11)
Author: Rachel Anton
E-Mail: RaValliano@aol.com
Rating: NC-17
See part one for summary, disclaimer, etc.


Scully could hardly believe it when they finally made it back to
her apartment and Mulder didn't try to flee again. She was not
used to this. Not at all. 

Every guy she'd ever been involved with had pressured her to
do this. She had never even kissed a man without him
expecting, sometimes demanding, more. She had never been in
a situation like this in her life. She had thrown herself at Mulder
in a way she'd never thought herself capable of. She wanted him
more than she'd ever considered it possible to want anything.
And he had fought her every step of the way. Getting him to her
bed had been like pulling teeth. 

She was trying not to take it personally. He really did seem to
want her back. But for some reason which she could not fathom,
he didn't seem to think himself worthy of her. He didn't seem to
understand how she could possibly love him. It was frustrating
and infuriating and very, very sad. 

Now that he was here, lying in her bed next to her, she vowed to
show him once and for all that she could, and in fact did, love
him more than life itself. 

He touched and kissed her with a tenderness that made her
ache inside as they lay together. She'd never been handled with
such care, such gentleness. She'd never felt so comfortable and
at ease making out with a guy. She'd also never been so turned
on in her life.

The light kisses he was planting on her lips, her face, her neck,
were driving her absolutely crazy. She wanted more. She felt a
little reluctant about pushing though. She didn't want him to think
she was some kind of sex-starved lunatic. She'd already
attacked him twice.

But if he didn't get naked soon she was sure she would die.

His hands were stroking her sides lightly and she took one of
them in her own and led it to her breast, feeling self-conscious
but needing the touch too badly to stop. They both moaned as
he ran his fingers over her hardened nipple through her shirt and
she threw her head back, thrusting her chest at him. He seemed
to take the hint for a change and brought both his hands to her
breasts. He ran his thumbs over her nipples with increasing
pressure as he licked and nipped at her throat and she threw her
leg over his hip, pulling his lower body closer to hers. 

Finally, his hands moved down and started tugging at the
bottom of her shirt. He pulled his head back and looked at her.
He was bright red and breathing as heavily as she was. Yeah,
he wanted her back all right.

"Scully if...if you wanna stop, I mean any time, let me know
okay?"

Stop? Right. 

"Don't stop Mulder. Please don't stop." 

She lifted her arms encouragingly and he pulled the tank top off
her. He gazed at her for a moment and she started pulling at his
shirt.

"You too."

He smiled and tossed his T-shirt to the floor.

God he was beautiful. His upper body was amazing. Perfect.
Large, powerful arms, muscular but not to the point of obscenity.
A hard, well defined chest with just the right amount of hair.
Solid abs. Inny belly button.

She wanted to touch everything. She wanted to lick him
everywhere. 

She ran her hands possessively over his flesh, wanting to stake
a claim. He shivered at the needy way she touched him.

Her eyes drifted lower, to the bulge in his jeans. She wanted to
touch that too. She ran her fingers lightly over him and he shut
his eyes and groaned. It was such an amazing sound, so
awe-inspiring to think that she could create such a sound in him. 

She buried her face in his chest, tasting the heat of his skin, and
started unbuttoning the top of his jeans.

His hands clasped around her wrists tightly and she looked up,
startled. He pulled her hands away from him and placed them
on the pillow next to her head.

"Not yet baby, not yet," he mumbled. 

Baby. He called her baby. She almost felt faint hearing his
gravely, soft voice calling her that.

She lay flat on her back and he leaned over her kissing and
stroking her arms and her neck. He ran his tongue down her
neck and traced the line of her bra until his face was buried in
her cleavage. He made a muffled grunting sound and she
giggled. Then he licked her nipple through the silk of her bra and
the giggle turned into a sigh. When the lick became a light nip,
the sigh became a sharp gasp. She twined her fingers in his hair
and pressed his face against her. Encouraged, he bit down hard
and sucked her through the material. She moaned and her legs
shifted against each other.

"You like it?" he asked, looking up at her.

"Mmmmyeah."

"Tell me if I do anything you don't like okay?"

She nodded enthusiastically, just wanting him to get back to
what he'd been doing. He reached between them to undo the
clasp between her breasts and she noticed that his hands were
trembling. He could barely get a grip on the tiny piece of plastic.
He grinned at her sheepishly and she smiled. He was scared.
That made her feel even more at ease for some reason. She
was safe here. And wanted. 

He finally managed to undo the clasp and he pulled back the
bra. She slipped out of the straps and tossed it to the side. She
lay completely bared to him. With the lights on. She didn't think
anyone had ever seen her like this. Guys had felt her up before
but always in the dark, usually in a car. No man had ever stared
openly at her breasts the way Mulder was doing now. She felt a
blush creeping into her skin under his eyes. She wondered how
many breasts he had seen, if hers were okay.

"Scully, you are so beautiful."

She looked into his eyes and saw that they were starting to get
watery. He was crying. Before she could think about what that
might possibly mean his mouth was covering her nipple again
and she convulsed against him. He pulled her into his mouth
and suckled and licked at her with his incredible lips and his
strong tongue and she felt a strange burning sensation through
her whole body. She felt like her whole body was on fire.

She pulled at him and he rolled over on top of her. She spread
her legs and took him between them. They were both still in
jeans but she could feel the hardness of him pressing against
her and it made her whimper. 

He caught her mouth in a scorching kiss that made her feel even
weaker and she pressed herself tightly against him. He was so
big, his body covered her completely. She felt engulfed by him,
overwhelmed by his bulk, his smell, his Mulderness. 

He ground his hips down into her and filled her mouth with his
tongue. He was everywhere and it felt so damned good. She
couldn't even believe it. 

This was usually the point where she became utterly terrified
and told the guy it was time to go home. But she didn't want
Mulder to go home. She thought if he even tried to leave now
she would die.

But he didn't. He kept grinding against her and thrusting his
tongue in and out of her mouth and moaning that beautiful
moan. She grabbed his ass and pulled him harder to her,
increasing the pressure. She felt a throbbing between her legs
that she recognized vaguely. She'd been able to bring herself to
this point a couple of times but never beyond. It was a wonderful
but frustrating place to be which is why she'd essentially given
up on masturbation a long time ago. 

He moved his kiss from her mouth down to her chin, over her
neck and finally back to her breast. He ran his tongue in slow,
agonizing circles over her nipples and she rocked against him.
She thought he would stop there but he continued his downward
path, licking his way down her stomach, over her belly button
and her sides. It would have tickled if she hadn't been so
aroused.

She felt his hands at the waist of her jeans and looked down
nervously. She wanted this so much, she was so ready for it, but
it was still uncharted territory. 

"Can I take these off Scully?"

God he was so sweet, so considerate, asking her permission for
every little baby step they took. It made her heart soar and her
fear vanish.

She nodded and smiled. "Please."

She kicked off her shoes and socks and he slowly unbuttoned
her jeans. When she felt his fingers pulling her fly down,
brushing against her, she felt a strange, but very pleasant tremor
and arched against his hand. He smiled and pulled the jeans
down her legs and off her body. He sat back on his knees and
looked at her with that same goofy grin. But beneath that grin his
eyes burned with a raw, open hunger that took her breath away.
He really did think she was beautiful. 

He stood up at the foot of the bed and finished unbuttoning the
fly she had started with before. He didn't seem to want her to
touch him there for some reason. Not yet anyway. That's what
he'd said. Not yet baby. She tingled again thinking of the
intimate way he had said that.

She watched with rapt fascination as he pulled his jeans off and
threw them on the floor. He stood before her clad only in a pair
of blue cotton boxers. She could see the outline of his erection
pressing against the fabric. She hoped he would take the boxers
off too. She had an unusually strong desire to see what was
underneath. But he didn't. He sank to his knees and took her
foot in his hands.

Her eyes widened in surprise. This wasn't exactly what she had
been expecting. But as he massaged the sole of her foot,
kneading the flesh with his fingers, she started to forget what
she had been expecting and enjoy what he actually was doing. It
felt amazing. He wrapped his lips around her big toe and sucked
lightly on it and she cried out. It was surprisingly exciting.

He worked his way around her whole foot, licking and massaging
her toes and her ankle and she found herself clutching the
blanket underneath her. Eventually he worked his way up her
calf, giving it the same treatment. He tugged gently at both her
legs and she went completely limp, letting him pull her towards
him so that she was sitting at the edge of the bed. So that her
legs were hanging down on either side of him. So that her crotch
was inches from his face. 

Waves of panic and desire washed over her as she realized
what he was going to do.

"Can I kiss you here?"

His mouth was so close to her that when he spoke, his words
vibrated against the sodden fabric of her panties causing a
whole new set of tremors through her. 

"Huummm..." 

She wished he'd stop asking now. She couldn't even form
coherent words anymore. So she slid down further and jerked
into his face as an answer. He chuckled against her and then ran
his tongue over the material of her panties. 

It felt amazing. God it felt too good. She almost couldn't stand it.
But still she wanted more.

"Take...off. Mmmm takethemofff!"

He looped his fingers through the waistband and slowly pulled
the underwear down and off. And then he was there.
Everywhere. His lips and his tongue and his hands, on her, in
her, in places no one, not even she herself, had ever been. And
it felt better than she ever imagined possible.

He separated and stroked her folds gently with his fingers,
lapping at her clit like a kitten, over and over and over. Back and
forth, gently at first but slowly increasing in speed and pressure.
Then in circles, wide at first then smaller and more focused. 

She grabbed the back of his head, pressing him harder against
her, grabbing fistfuls of hair in a needy desperation that she had
never, ever felt. Her hips began to rotate off the bed without her
even realizing it.

She realized suddenly that there was blood in her mouth. She'd
been biting the inside of her lip to keep from making any
embarrassing noises. But it was okay, she told herself. She was
with Mulder and it was okay. He wouldn't think she was bad for
enjoying this. He was doing it so that she would enjoy it, so that
she would feel good. All for her, he was doing it all for her. God
she loved him. 

She let herself groan a little and soon she was making an almost
continual stream of noises, each louder and stranger than the
last. She'd never made such noises. She hoped Rebecca wasn't
home. 

She looked down at him and was surprised to find him looking
right back at her, his eyes twinkling with mischief and desire and
she wondered what she must look like, thrashing around on her
bed like that. He seemed to like it though. He seemed happy. 

She was starting to feel something building inside her.
Something that defied description. She wondered if it was an
orgasm, or at least the beginnings of one. She was already way
past anywhere she'd ever been and had no way of knowing if it
was actually happening. They were only supposed to last a few
seconds though and this was just going on and on. 

A sudden spasm hit her and she called out to Mulder. Was that
it? Was that an orgasm? No, it couldn't be because she still
wanted more.

He pulled his mouth from her and she whimpered in dismay.

"Have you ever been this close before Scully?"

"I...mmm....noooo."

She was gasping for air, barely able to think or speak. What the
hell was happening to her?

"Just relax Scully. Let it happen. I'm right here."

He pressed his tongue against her again and she felt it more
acutely than before. She felt it everywhere. He was doing it even
harder and faster and her whole body was shaking. 

His finger began sliding slowly in and out of her and it felt
surprisingly good. Amazing. She felt full. She felt herself tighten
around him and pull him deeper inside. 

"M..moremuldermore..."

He pumped her now, fast and furious and his lips tightened
around her clit and he sucked at it and flicked his tongue over it
again and again and again.

"Mulder. Oh. Oh...GOD."

She screamed. She screamed loud and long as everything
inside her shattered into a million pieces. It was unbearable
pleasure and sweet pain and scary and beautiful and just defied
description. And then it was too much. It just hurt and she pulled
his hair to make him stop. 

He looked up at her with a smile and crawled back up her
trembling, twitching body. He covered her again and she kissed
him savagely, tasting herself mingled with his taste. 

They moved together back to the head of the bed and he
wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tightly to him.

"Did you like that Scully?"

It was such a ridiculous question that she had to laugh. Like it?
That was like asking someone if they'd "like" to meet God. Like
was not the right word.

"It was...oh God Mulder..thank you. Thank you." 

He laughed and kissed the top of her head. 

"Thank you Scully. Thank you for letting me give you that."

Well, that was something, but it wasn't enough. Not for him. She
wanted to give him everything he'd given her. She wanted to
make him feel what she had just felt. She wanted his orgasm.

end part 7a


Eleventh Hour (7b/11)


She was amazing. She was a dream. She was his. He could see
it in the rapt way she was gazing up at him, feel it in the way she
squeezed him close, ground her hips against his leg. He'd given
her her first orgasm. 

He felt what he realized to be a totally inappropriate burst of
male pride at the thought. The way he'd made her feel, it was
unbelievable. She'd been so out of control, so ecstatic, it was
the most beautiful, deeply moving thing he had ever seen. He
didn't think he would ever forget that dirty, sweet smile on her
face, the way her eyes had rolled into the back of her head, the
satisfied and somewhat startled mewling sounds she'd been
making. 

For a moment he was so lost in his musings that he didn't notice
the fact that she was running her hands down his chest, over his
stomach. When he felt her tiny fingers pulling at the waistband
of his boxers he was actually startled.

He'd been hard the entire time he'd been going down on her but
he'd really scarcely noticed. He'd been so focused on giving her
what she needed that he hadn't thought for a second about his
own intense arousal. 

He was still hard. But still unable to conceive of asking anything
of her. He would have been content to lay with her until she fell
asleep and then slip off to the bathroom to relieve himself later. 

She seemed to want more.

She was up on her knees now, pulling at the annoying garment
with a look of frustration. He rose a little bit and helped her off
with the shorts. And then there they were, both completely
naked. It was something he'd never thought he would live to
see.

He looked up at her face, expecting to see her smiling back at
him, but her eyes were downcast, focusing on the part of him
she had never seen. Her mouth was parted in a little o and her
eyes were wide with...something. Surprise, shock, dismay? 

"Scully?"

She looked up and he saw that she was blushing. She laughed a
little nervously.

"I..I'm sorry. It's just...God Mulder, it's just..."

She was silent for a moment and a thousand horrific possibilities
ran through his head. 

"It's just um...it's really big Mulder."

Now it was his turn to blush. He didn't really know what to say to
that. 

"Is...is that okay Scully? I mean, does that bother you?"

She laughed again and shook her head.

"No, I mean, I don't think so...I mean...I like it Mulder. It's very
um...it's very you. I just haven't really seen that many ya know.
It kinda um...took me by surprise."

He smiled, hoping that she would never have occasion to see
another one. Ever. 

She lay back down next to him and he rolled onto his side,
wanting to feel his flesh against hers. When she started kissing
him, he realized that had been a mistake. His cock was already
twitching anxiously against her stomach and he had to fight an
overwhelming urge to start rubbing himself against her like a
dog. 

She reached between them and stroked him lightly and he
jerked into her hand reflexively with a grunt. She chuckled into
his neck and wrapped her hand completely around him. 

He closed his eyes and let himself enjoy the sensations for a
while. Her hand running up and down the length of him, her lips
and tongue massaging his neck, his chest, the feel of her hair in
his hands, the smell of her sweet little body beside him, it was all
beautiful. 

"Mulder, I've never done this before. Let me know if I do it
wrong."

"Hmm..."

He wondered what the heck she was talking about. She had just
told him that a hand job was the one thing she HAD done. And
she was doing it fine, just right in fact.

Then before he knew what was happening, he felt her tongue
flicking lightly, tentatively, over the head of his penis.

"Oh God. Scully...you don't have to ahhhh...Jesus."

His head fell back into the pillow as she wrapped her lips
completely around the tip of him. It looked like he didn't have
much choice in the matter. She was going to do it no matter
what. She wanted to. And he couldn't stop her. He didn't have
the strength anymore.

He looked down and found her nervous eyes looking back up at
him. Her mouth curled into a tiny smile around him and she slid
down, slowly taking more of him in. It felt so good already. His
whole body was shaking. He had to restrain himself from jerking
violently into her mouth. 

Soon her head started bobbing slowly up and down on him. She
couldn't manage to get the whole thing down so she wrapped
her hand around him at the root and started moving it in synch
with her mouth. It was already the best blow job he'd ever gotten
in his entire life. And it wasn't just because it was Scully. True
that was certainly part of it but there was more. Despite her
inexperience she seemed to sense exactly what he needed. She
knew how to touch him almost instinctually. He was close
already.

He reached down and stroked her hair lightly, needing to touch
her somehow. She was still in those pigtails. He took one of
them in his hand and found himself winding it around his fist like
a rope. His other hand was clutching at the bedsheets for dear
life.

She sped her movements a bit and he groaned his approval.
Suddenly he felt something hot and wet against his leg. He
looked down and saw that she had straddled his thigh and was
grinding herself against him as she sucked the life out of him.
He groaned again and pushed his leg upwards a little. What a
horny little thing she was. What a lucky son of a bitch he was. 

He felt himself starting to throb inside her mouth and wondered
if he was starting to choke her. If so, she didn't seem to mind.
She started stroking him with her tongue as she moved over him
and he gasped.

"Scuh..leee..."

She paused and looked up at him. She took her mouth away
from him and he felt like crying.

"I...is this okay Mulder? Am I doing it right?"

God. She was so adorable. He felt his heart shatter all over
again. She just broke him sometimes.

He nodded enthusiastically.

"Just right, baby. Just right."

She smiled and placed a delicate kiss at the crevice where the
head met the shaft and he felt a tear run down his cheek. Could
he love her anymore?

Then she circled the head with her tongue and he was so
startled at the feeling that he jerked off the bed and into her
mouth. Dammit, he cursed himself. He'd been trying so hard not
to do that. 

Strangely though, she didn't seem to mind. In fact, she smiled
even wider and then she took him in. All the way in. She pulled
her hand away and covered every inch of him with her mouth. 

It was heaven. It was the best thing he had ever felt in his entire
life. But it wasn't right. She had to be choking, gagging on him
by now.

He tried to tell her she didn't have to, that he was sorry for
jerking into her that way, that what she'd been doing before was
fine, wonderful, earth shattering, but all that he was able to
come up with was "Nuhhummm".

She made a sound around him. Something like "Yuhhummm."

He supposed it was as close to a conversation that they could
get at that point. She looked happy. She really did. And she
wasn't making any wretching noises even though he could feel
himself sliding in and out of her throat. 

She reached under with her now free hand and started lightly
stroking his balls. He made a high pitched squeaking sound and
she stopped again.

"Is this okay? Am I hurting you?"

He shook his head frantically back and forth. 

"S'good. Donstopdonstop."

She went back to exactly what she had been doing and he
groaned her name. She moaned and he felt it vibrating around
him. He was really, really close. He could almost hear the
throbbing in his cock. He felt it everywhere. When he closed his
eyes he saw stars, lights pulsing in time with the pounding in his
groin.

His toes curled up in the blanket and he squeezed on that braid
like a life line. She sped up even more and tightened her big,
perfect, blow job lips around him and everything inside him
surged.

He had to tell her. She needed to get out of the way. He was
seconds away and she probably didn't even realize it.

"Scu....Scu....uhh."

She didn't seem to understand. Go figure. 

"Mmmm...gonna come...Scu...uh."

That was a little better. But she still wasn't moving. Why wasn't
she moving? 

He bit the inside of his lip to keep from exploding into her
mouth. Did she realize what was going to happen? Could she
possibly want that? 

He tried again to communicate some kind of warning.

"Might...wanna....m...m....move."

She laughed through her nose and rolled her eyes and he
realized, she wanted it. She wanted him to come in her mouth. 

The realization was too much for him. 

"God, Scully...NOW!" he bellowed in a last ditch attempt. But
she stayed with him as his body rose off the bed and he thrust
uncontrollably into her mouth and pulled the bedsheets out and
practically pulled her hair out. She stayed with him and she let
every last drop of his semen shoot down her throat. 

When the final spasm was through she slipped his still partially
erect sex out of her mouth and came to rest beside him. He
pulled her to him and wrapped his arms possessively around
her. He was still shaking.

She wrapped her leg over his hip and he felt her heat again. He
was probably covered in her juices by now. Not that he was
bothered. He was starting to wonder if maybe she could bottle
them for him. 

"So, um, was that okay?"

He looked down at her in disbelief. She seemed to honestly not
know. 

"Scully...Scully...God."

He laughed. It was funny. She was so innocent and so...not. It
was completely Scully. 

"God *damn* Scully. Are you sure you haven't done that
before?"

"I think I'd remember that Mulder."

"It was...it was amazing Scully. Beyond words. Beyond anything.
I can't even...God."

He squeezed her tight and she ran her hand over his chest.

"You um, you didn't have to swallow it ya know."

She shook her head and chuckled.

"I know that Mulder. I wanted to. I liked it. It tasted good."

He smiled and pulled the rubberband from the bottom of one of
her braids. For some reason they didn't seem appropriate
anymore. 

"I liked it too Scully. I liked it a lot. It made me feel really good,"
he murmured as he ran his fingers through her hair, freeing it.
Soon he'd undone both pigtails and spread her hair out around
her face and over his chest. 

"You're so beautiful Scully. You know that don't you?"

She shrugged. He got the impression that it wasn't something
she'd ever even considered. She wasn't "the pretty one". She
was the smart one or the athletic one or the shy one. Never the
pretty one. But to him, she was the only one. Smartest, prettiest,
strongest, no one else even compared. He wished he could
show her herself through his eyes somehow. It was something
he'd always wanted.

He knew Scully wasn't insecure. Now or ever. But he also
sensed that she didn't recognize her beauty. Especially this
younger, less seasoned version of her. She seemed to think it
odd that he would even suggest such a thing. 

"Well, you are. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen
Scully. Trust me."

He lifted her chin and forced her to look at him and she smiled
and nodded. 

"I do trust you Mulder. I do."

She really did. She trusted him so openly and so willingly it was
frightening. He felt even more protective towards her than he
had towards her older incarnation. She seemed so vulnerable
sometimes, it broke his heart. 

He kissed her gently and she moaned and rubbed herself
against his hip. He grinned to himself. He'd created a monster. 

He ran his hand through her hair and over her side, down the
deep curve of her waist and over the round softness of her hip.
He reached around to clutch the warm pillow of her backside.
She really did have the most amazing body he'd ever seen,
plastic or real. Strong and lean but curvy and soft in all the right
places. She had a perfect hourglass shape even if it was in
miniature. She was like a little angel. And a little sex kitten. A
sex angel? If there was such a thing, she was one.

He turned on his side and reached between them to stroke her
between her legs. She seemed to be crying out for it. 

She moaned happily and gave him that smile that was starting
to make him weak in the knees now that he knew exactly what it
meant. 

"That feel good?"

"Mmmyeah. Do it more."

He ran his fingers back and forth over her and she arched into
his hand with a groan. She seemed to like it a lot. He wondered
why she had never done it to herself. Or if she had, why she'd
never been able to bring herself to orgasm. He supposed it had
something to do with her Catholic upbringing. Good religious
girls weren't supposed to do things like that. It might not have
kept her from trying but the guilt might have been enough to
keep her from enjoying it. He was thrilled all over again that he'd
managed to free her from that with him. 

He wondered if he could give her an even more valuable gift.

"Scully, why don't you try to do it?"

Her eyes shot open and the smile disappeared.

"What? You don't want to?"

"Oh, no Scully. It's not that. Believe me, it's not that. I just think
it might be nice for you to be able to do it for yourself once in
awhile. You're a very passionate woman Scully. It might be good
for you to look inside yourself and learn how to make yourself
feel good."

He hoped he didn't sound too much like Doctor Ruth. 

She looked positively panicked.

"You...you want me to do it in front of you?" 

Honestly, he hadn't even thought about that aspect of it. But
God, it was certainly something to think about.

"I would love it Scully. Mmmm, it would really turn me on."

He massaged her clit delicately for emphasis and she cried out.
Maybe if she realized that he was getting pleasure out of it, she
wouldn't feel so guilty. 

"Oh..Mulder. I dunno...it would turn you on? Really?"

She was blushing and chewing on her lower lip. It was the cutest
thing he'd ever seen.

"God Scully, I can't think of anything that would turn me on
more."

She whimpered. He took one of her hands in his free one and
led it downwards. He placed it over the hand that was touching
her.

She rolled onto her back and pressed down on his hand,
moaning. She was smiling again. Her fingers covered his and
since he wasn't moving, she began directing them, leading him,
touching herself through him.

"That's good Scully. You show me what to do."

He paid careful attention as she led his fingers through her folds
and over her clit. He memorized each motion so that he would
know how to repeat it. 

He leaned on his elbow and watched her, mesmerized. Her eyes
were closed in concentration and her mouth was partly open.
She was breathing in tiny little pants and sighs and her face was
covered in a thin sheen of sweat. Her hair was hanging down,
partially covering her breasts, flowing over the pillow. She was
the most stunning vision he had ever seen. 

She was so young but, he realized in that moment, she was far
older than even he was. Her soul, she was an old soul. She was
far more mature than he would ever be and even now she was
the strong one. She'd been the one with the guts to tell him how
she felt. She'd been the one to kiss him, to touch him. She'd
broken down the barriers between them with such a carefree,
sweet spirit, he could scarcely breath to think of it. Her youth of
body had given her the innocence to make the first move
without worrying about old scars, baggage, past hurts and
mistakes. And her strength of soul had allowed her to do it
without the paralyzing fear that gripped him constantly. She was
young and she was old. 

He was just a fool. Even now she was saving him. She always
would. All he could do was try to show her how to do the same
thing for herself. And right now, this was the best he could do.

She started trembling and gasping under him and he realized
she was close again. She came even faster than he did. He
slipped his hand out from under her so that it was only her hand
touching herself. 

She stopped moving and looked at him imploringly.

"M...Mulder?"

"Go ahead baby. Finish it for me."

"I...I can't."

"Yes you can. Just pretend it's still my hand. Trust me Scully."

He ran his hand over her forehead and placed a light kiss on her
lips.

"Mulder...I...you too."

She nodded in the direction of his nether regions. He was
surprised to look down and find himself fully erect again. What
had it been, five minutes? The benefits of youth he supposed.
And the benefits of Scully. 

So she wanted him to join her. Scully and her gender equality.
Either that or she figured he would be embarrassed and drop the
whole thing. Not likely at this point. 

He reached down and took his cock in his hand. She gasped,
surprised but, he sensed, at least a little excited. He started
sliding his hand over himself in a familiar rhythm and slowly but
surely, her little hands started working on herself. 

He watched her middle finger working slow circles over her clit,
then down to her entrance for more moisture which she spread
over herself with a shudder. She was biting her lip still, trying to
keep quiet it looked like. 

He increased the speed of his own motions and groaned loudly,
hoping to encourage her, to show her it was okay to be liking
this. 

Their eyes met and she smiled.

"How does it feel Scully?"

"Humm...good...I think. It's...a lot..."

She pulled her hand away suddenly.

"I think...I think I'm gonna come Mulder."

He caressed her face with his free hand and kissed her
shoulder.

"It's okay Scully. Let it happen. Let it go."

He ran his fingers over her cheek and her lips. He was surprised
to feel her suck his index finger between her lips and into her
mouth. She ran her tongue over it and he gasped and jerked
himself harder. 

Her hand moved back between her legs and she seemed to only
touch herself once before crying out and thrusting against her
fingers. He felt her teeth around his finger and her nails digging
into his arm and it was just enough. He gripped himself tightly as
cum shot out of him and splattered on both of them. He called
her name, as always. 

When he turned back to her, he was alarmed to see tears
trailing down her cheek. She was crying. Yet again. He should
have known. It was too much. He was the stupidest man that
ever lived. He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around
her.

"What is it Scully? Are you okay?"

She nodded but he heard her muffled crying against his chest.
He felt her tears burning down his skin. 

"Sweetheart, what is it? I'm sorry. Was that really bad?"

She looked up at him and shook her head.

"No. No Mulder, it was...God I don't know what it was."

"Are you upset?"

"No I think....I think I'm happy. I'm sorry Mulder. It was just really
intense."

He kissed the top of her head and pulled her close. It was okay.
She was okay. She was trembling in his arms but she'd stopped
crying. They were okay. 

"Mulder, it was really good. I mean, I'm glad we did that. I
mean...wow." 

She laughed into his chest and he laughed too. He pulled the
blanket up to cover them both and she snuggled into him.

"Can we do all that again soon Mulder?"

"Anytime Scully. Anytime."

She sighed and stretched her arms and legs out over him. Her
hair spilled over his chest. He felt enveloped in her head to toe.
Body and soul. She loved him. She was his. If only he could tell
her how he felt. If only he could communicate the depth of his
feelings to her. But he couldn't. Not until she knew the whole
truth.

He realized he couldn't continue this way for much longer. She
wanted him to make love to her, to take her virginity. That's how
much she trusted him. He needed to make himself worthy of
that trust. He couldn't take her virginity, couldn't tell him he
loved her, until she knew everything about how he had come to
be in her life. He had to tell her. And soon.

end part 7b


Eleventh Hour (8/11)


August 12, 1982

I've never felt time as an oppressive force before. All my life I've
wished for it to hurry up already. I've waited for the months and
years to pass so that I could be the person I needed to be.
Independent, alone, free from the restrictions of youth and my
parents and high school and everything else. 

Now I feel an almost claustrophobic sense of dread with every
day that passes. Every hour. Every minute that goes by is
another minute closer to the minute Mulder will get on that plane
to England. 

We haven't discussed it. Not since that first night. He told me
the date. September 3rd. He has his ticket. He has his class
schedule. That's all I know. I'm not sure if denial or fear has kept
us from talking about what exactly is going to happen when he
steps on that plane. 

Will he write, call, visit? Will he stay faithful to me? I want to ask
him these things but I think that I am afraid of the answers. I am
afraid of what I will do, how I will feel if he tells me no. I have a
secret hope that he will tell me at the last minute that he's
changed his mind, he can't go anywhere without me. I want to
ask him if he would ever consider staying here with me, going to
the University instead, but again, I am afraid of the answer.

I'm not sure if these unspoken questions are what have kept him
from taking me completely. Something is holding him back,
keeping him from breaking that final barrier. I am happy with
what we do. He satisfies me in ways I never dreamt imaginable.
He's taught me how to love my body and to give and take
pleasure in limitless ways. But still I ache for more. I ache for
him inside me. I need for him to be the one and I am afraid we
are running out of time. 

How's that for melodrama?

It's the truth though. I can't imagine giving myself to another
man in that way. I can't imagine ever wanting that. I want Mulder
to be the one, the only. I sense that he wants that too. I sense
that he loves me as I love him. He still hasn't said those words,
though he shows me every day. He is haunted.

My deepest fear is that he is holding back because he knows he
will be leaving me soon, that he doesn't want to take my virginity
and run. I want to tell him that I don't care. I need him to do it
even if I never see him again. But that would mean talking about
the fact that he is leaving which, as I said, we never ever do. 



Scully sighed and dropped her pen on the living room table. She
couldn't even write about it. She felt tears welling in her eyes
already.  How could life possibly be so unfair? She was trying to
enjoy every minute she had with Mulder and not think about the
future at all, but the future was rapidly becoming the present.
And she didn't know what she would ever do without him. No
one else could ever compare, even as a friend. Nothing in the
world would fill the empty void that he would leave in her life.
Her heart would be hollow without him there. 

Her musings were interrupted by a knock on the door. She
looked at her watch. It was almost midnight. It had to be either
one of Rebecca's many "gentleman callers" or Mulder. She
looked down at her sweats and felt the messy bun piled onto her
head and almost hoped it was one of Rebecca's jerks. She
wiped the annoying tears from her eyes and walked to the door.

She looked through the peephole and of course, it was Mulder.
He never seemed to drop by unexpectedly when she was
lounging around in a sexy silk robe or something. Not that she
did that very often. 

She opened the door to find him tapping his foot nervously and
running his fingers through his hair.

"Mulder, I wasn't expecting you till tomorrow."

He grinned sheepishly and shrugged.

"Sorry."

"No, it's okay. I was...I was just thinking about you. Come on in."

"Actually, I was hoping you'd come out."

He was speaking very quickly and didn't seem to even want to
step through the doorway.

"Come out? I don't..." she gestured towards her sloppy attire.

"You look gorgeous. Just throw on some shoes and let's go."

He was acting very odd. He wasn't usually this impatient or
bossy but for some reason she couldn't refuse. She pulled on
some sneakers and followed him to his car. She had to run to
keep up. Once she was sitting in the passenger seat she
glanced towards the back. There were some blankets there and
a grocery bag.

"Mulder, where are we going?"

"Just a place," he waved his hand in the air and started the
engine. He seemed extremely tense. He hadn't even kissed her
hello or anything. He was in a damn hurry for some reason. A
place? What the hell did that mean?

"What's in the bag Mulder?"

"Just some stuff."

He pulled the car onto the road and she looked at him curiously.
Something very odd was going on here. But she didn't even
really care all that much. She was with Mulder. It was all that
really mattered.

xxxxx

Mulder had only the vaguest notion of where they were going.
They were going to the ocean. Scully loved the ocean. That was
about as far as his knowledge went. He hoped the water freed
her spirit enough to make her believe. He got on the highway
and headed East, towards Delaware, towards the Atlantic.

He hadn't planned on doing it this way. He'd planned on doing it
at the Vineyard. But his mother had been there all the time,
butting in and giving Scully weird looks. He'd planned on doing it
once they got back. But the time never seemed right. He'd never
had the guts.

But for some reason when he'd been about to go to sleep, he'd
decided tonight was it. It had to be tonight. It was time to tell her
everything. He'd thrown together a makeshift picnic and bolted
out the door before he lost the nerve again. 

He hoped they got wherever they were going before the sun
came up. He had to do this at night. 

They sped through the darkness in silence for almost an hour.
She seemed to sense that he had something to get off his chest,
some purpose for this madness, but she was waiting for him to
start talking. He loved her for it. 

She looked so beautiful tonight. He loved seeing her like this,
natural and unadorned. He prayed that she would believe him.
Or at least understand, still love him. If she stopped loving him
he was sure he would die. 

"Mulder, are we almost to the place yet?"

Her voice startled him. He jumped. He couldn't remember being
this nervous in his life. 

"Um...yeah, sure." 

"Mulder, you don't even know where we're going do you? We're
just driving around randomly in the middle of the night aren't
we?" 

He looked over and saw that she was smirking.

"Would that bother you Scully?"

"Not really but you could tell me that. You don't have to pretend
to know where you're going Mulder."

He smiled because the whole thing was a miniature version of
what he'd been doing since he'd been back here. Driving her
around randomly, not knowing where they were going or if he
was doing things the way he was supposed to, letting her think
he knew what the hell was going on. 

"I'll know it when I see it Scully."

He saw a sign for Delaware Bay and followed it. Once he got
there he could turn South and they would eventually reach the
ocean. 

"Well, wake me up when you find what you're looking for
Mulder. I'm taking a nap."

xxxxx

Scully was in a dark, small place. She could barely breath, she
couldn't speak, couldn't move. There was something on her
mouth, over her eyes, her wrists. She was in some kind of a
small enclosure, a closet maybe. And there was someone on the
other side. Someone she couldn't see or hear but sensed.
Someone whose very essence spoke of evil, vile things. He
wanted to hurt her. He wanted to kill her. She was more
frightened than she'd ever been in her life.

Then suddenly there was brightness. White light slowly turning
into outlines, figures, people, people coming to save her, police
men, Mulder. Mulder was there. 

She was embarrassed. She didn't like him to see her so scared.
She didn't want him to know that she was afraid to die. 

Then he touched her face, forced her to look at him, and she
collapsed into his arms, letting herself cry, letting him see her.
She let him hold her. He looked afraid to do that but he wrapped
his arms around her anyway and it filled her heart.

"Scully?"

She woke to the feel of his hand on her shoulder. She was
gasping for air. She still felt the gag. 

"Scully, are you okay? What is it?"

"Dream. I...I dunno. Weird nightmare."

He leaned over and hugged her for comfort and she realized
that the car had stopped. They were there, wherever there was. 

"What about Scully?"

She pulled reluctantly out of his embrace and looked around.
They were in a dark, deserted parking lot. She heard waves.

"Mulder, where are we?"

"Assatteague Island."

"Assawhat?"

"It's an island. Off the coast of Delaware."

"Looks more like a ghost town. Why are we here Mulder?"

He shrugged and opened his door.

"Let's go find out."

He pulled the stuff from the back seat and hopped out of the car.

"Come on," he called as he started heading quickly away.

She followed him down to the beach. It was a beautiful night,
clear and warm. They walked down to the shore and she took off
her shoes to feel the water on her feet. The place was deserted
and peaceful. Mulder certainly knew how to pick a romantic
getaway. She had a surge of excitement. Maybe he'd taken her
here to make love to her finally. But romance seemed far from
his mind right now. Something was troubling him.

"So, what was that nightmare about Scully?"

She sighed, not really wanting to talk about the silly dream. She
wanted to know what he had brought her here for.

"Um, it was kind of odd. Stupid really. Someone was holding me
captive in this closet thing. I dunno, it was really just a dumb
nightmare Mulder."

"What else happened?"

God, what the hell? It was just a dream. She rolled her eyes
impatiently and wondered again what the hell he was so nervous
about.

"I dunno, you came and saved me and then you hugged me and
I dunno, you looked a little different, like older or something."

"Oh, Scully. Oh God."

He stopped walking and ran his fingers through his hair again. 

"What Mulder? What is it?"

"That...it wasn't a dream Scully. It really happened."

She was starting to get really worried about him. She was used
to him acting peculiar but this was downright unsettling.

"Mulder, what are you talking about?"

"Over there Scully, come on."

He pointed to a pile of rocks. She followed him to the huge, flat
boulders that seemed to be growing out of the ocean. He led her
to the top and placed the blankets down so that they could sit.
The spray from the ocean hit them lightly but it was a few feet
below. It was a very beautiful spot. The rock they were on jutted
out over the water so all she could see in every direction was
ocean and sky. And Mulder. 

He sat down beside her and started fussing with the things he'd
brought.

"Mulder, what did you mean by that, it really happened? What
does that mean?"

"I, I brought some peaches Scully. And um, strawberries,
grapes, there's some bread and a bottle of wine..."

He was laying these items out on the blanket as he described
them to her. She was getting mildly frustrated.

"Mulder, I don't want to eat. I want you to tell me what you were
talking about. I want to know why you brought me here."

He took a deep breath and turned to face her. He wouldn't meet
her eyes. He looked like a frightened child.

"Scully, I have something to tell you. Something very bizarre.
You might not believe it. In fact I don't think you will. And it
might make you hate me or be afraid of me but I can't keep it
from you anymore. I've got to tell you now."

Possibilities flashed through her mind, each more frightening
than the last. He was gay. He was engaged. He was married. He
found her repulsive. 

"Mulder, nothing could make me hate you and I know you would
never lie to me but you are starting to scare me. Just tell me. It'll
be okay."

He took her face in his hands and finally looked in her eyes.
There was so much there. So much intensity and love and raw
terror in his eyes.

"Do you trust me Scully? Do you believe in us?"

"Of course I do."

"Do you feel our connection?"

"You know I do Mulder."

"Do you know why you feel it?" 

She almost said, "Because I love you" but that wasn't really an
answer. It was circular. He was asking her why. Why she had
fallen so hard, so fast, so easily. And to that she had no answer.
She shrugged helplessly.

"I just...do Mulder."

"Well, I know why you do Scully. It's because this isn't the first
time we've met. I've known you for a long long time."

xxxxxx

Mulder took a deep breath and glanced towards the ocean. How
in the world was he supposed to explain this? 

"Mulder, what does that mean? You've known me? I don't
remember meeting you ever before."

"You haven't Scully. I said that I've known you. Not that you've
known me." 

He sighed and shook his head. This game of semantics was just
going to confuse her even more.

"Scully, I'm...I'm talking about the future, a future that's already
happened, that I came back here to try to change."

He realized how truly ridiculous the words sounded once they
had filled the air between them and he wasn't surprised to see
her scrunch up her face and hear her snort derisively.

"What the hell are you talking about Mulder?"

He bit back the overwhelming urge to make a joke, let her think
he'd been kidding around with her, trying to make her think he
was some kind of supernatural hero out of a sci-fi novel. But this
was honesty night and he wasn't gonna back out now that he
was already half way to making a fool out of himself. 

"Scully I...I'm from the future." 

He almost laughed himself at that one.

"Mulder, what does that *mean*?"

She wasn't even mildly amused anymore. She was probably
starting to get scared that she'd been having oral sex with an
escaped mental patient. Mulder shuddered, realizing that that
was actually what she had been doing. 

"Scully, I know this sounds odd, insane even, but it's the truth.
My...my brain, it's...it came back, from the future, from twenty
years in the future. This...this body is mine but it's...it's not. It's
me but it's not the me that my brain is from."

He stopped, utterly frustrated. He couldn't even explain it to
himself. How could he have expected to explain it to her?

"So, you're saying that you just jumped backwards in time, into
your past? Is that what you're saying Mulder?"

She wasn't angry. She wasn't even really upset. She was
just...Scully. Skeptical as ever but willing to listen, willing to give
him a chance. 

"I guess...yes. That's what I'm saying Scully. I didn't intend to go
back this far. Only a couple months but it was um...kind of an
experiment in the first place. I didn't even expect it to work. I
certainly didn't expect to meet you here and now but it happened
Scully. It all happened."
 
She was silent for a long agonizing moment. When she turned
away from him he thought for sure that he had lost her. 

"Scully..."

He took her chin in his hand and forced her to look at him. There
were tears of confusion forming in her eyes.

"Scully please. I know you can feel what we have. That dream
you had, it was something from our future. I know you can feel
the truth of what I'm saying somewhere inside of you. You have
to let yourself believe it though. You have to want to believe."

"Mulder..."

"Scully please, please believe me. I need you to believe me."

"Mulder, I need you to tell me why. I need you to tell me why
you're here."


xxxxxx

Scully sat quietly and she listened to him. She'd asked him to
tell her the story of their "future" together more out of concern
for his well being than anything else. She wanted to keep him
calm, to keep him talking. She wanted to listen to him and try to
figure out where this insanity was coming from. It scared her
seeing him like this. 

She hadn't known what to expect from his story but what he told
her was certainly surprising. It was a very long, intricate tale. So
precise in detail that it might have taken a person years to
concoct. It was a strange tale. So strange that she couldn't
imagine it coming from someone's wildest imaginings. 

 She wasn't sure what to believe anymore and part of her was
certain that this was all some kind of a sick joke he was playing
but as he told her more and more, she felt something resonate
in her despite herself. She told herself over and over that it was
crazy, that she shouldn't believe it, but somehow, something told
her it was just...right.

She found herself growing more and more wrapped up in his
tale as he spoke. She listened with concentration and
fascination. It really did sound like them and it was actually
sounding like a pretty good, if somewhat unusual future. Fighting
the bad guys, living an adventure, and always together. That
was the best part. Mulder was her future. She did want to
believe.

But then things took a bit of a down turn. On and on the stories
went, each more horrific than the last and she noticed that as he
told her, silent tears ran down his cheeks. He was reliving these
things.

So many terrible things they had been through together. But
through the entire ordeal, one thing had been constant. Their
unwavering devotion to and faith in one another. She reached
over and wiped his cheek with her hand. 

"Mulder, why did you come back here? What happened to me?"

He turned to her, his face suddenly clouded in darkness.

"Do you believe me Scully? Do you?"

She did. God help her, she did. He seemed so deeply effected
by what he was telling her. And she felt the truth of his words.
She felt it deep in her soul. She nodded and smiled
encouragingly even though her heart was full of fear.

"We...we were on a case. A murder case. You...you went after
the killer and you caught him but you did it all alone, you didn't
have any back up and you didn't tell me where you were going
because there wasn't any time and I...I was very angry. I yelled
at you because I was afraid to tell you how I really felt, because I
was a coward Scully...I couldn't...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

His shoulders slumped forward and the tears flowed more
profusely down his face. She stroked his hair lightly and then
suddenly he fell into her, burying his face between her breasts
and squeezing her so tight around the waist she could barely
breathe. 

"Mulder, it's okay. I...I'm sure I knew."

She continued stroking his hair, trying to soothe him but he was
crying out loud now, hiccuping and whimpering into her chest
like a little boy.

"It's not okay Scully," he moaned through his choking sobs. "It's
not. I left and I told you to go. I made you go and you went and
he...God Scully...he..."

"He who? Mulder, what happened?"

"He killed you Scully!" he wailed against her and his entire body
shook. "He killed you and you died and it's my fault. It was all
my fault."

She felt her stomach drop hearing the words. It was what she
had been fearing. Died. She had died. He had come back to
keep her from dying. Dead at thirty-eight. She didn't want to
believe anymore. 

If she had any doubts though, she was now completely
convinced that he was telling her the truth. He would never
make something like this up, and if he had, it wouldn't be so
devastating for him to talk about it. She felt the moisture from
his profuse tears leaking through the heavy material of her
sweatshirt already. He was sobbing over and over that it was all
his fault. She needed to tell him it wasn't, couldn't have been.
But she could barely speak, barely move. Dead. Dead at
thirty-eight. 

And Mulder, she had left him alone. She had died and left him
with no one, desperate enough to try this crazy thing in the first
place. She swallowed back the tears she felt welling and stroked
his hair again.

"It wasn't your fault. Mulder, it couldn't have been. It wasn't."

"It was Scully. It was. You died because of me, because I'm
such a coward. Scully you died because I couldn't tell you I
loved you. That's why I came back Scully. To tell you I love you
so you won't die."

She let herself fall into the blankets from the force of his weight
on her. He fell with her and lay beside her, his head still buried
in her chest. She spoke soothingly to him and continued to
stroke his hair and his neck. 

"I knew Mulder. I'm sure I knew. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't
your fault."

"I'm sorry I never told you Scully. I loved you then. I love you
now. I'll love you forever."

"I know Mulder. I know."

And she did. But it was so nice to finally hear it. She'd had no
idea how long she'd been waiting.



end part 8


Eleventh Hour (9/11)


She believed him. She believed him and forgave him and still
loved him. And she knew he loved her. She had always known.
Of course. 

He let himself enjoy the feel of her comforting embrace for a
moment. Then he realized how she must be feeling, hearing
about her death like that, it had to be terrifying.

He loosened his death grip on her a little bit and looked up from
the comfortable warmth of her chest. Her eyes were closed and
her face was wet with tears. He ran his hands over her cheeks.

"Scully, don't cry Scully, don't be scared. It's okay now. I
promise you, it's not gonna happen again. I'm never gonna let
anything like that happen to you ever again."

He knew it was a stupid promise to make. He had no idea what
the future held for them now, if he'd screwed things up even
more by coming back here. 

"Mulder...I know, it's just...I can't believe you had to go through
all that. I'm so sorry Mulder."

"Don't Scully. It's okay, you're okay now. That's what matters the
most to me."

He was starting to think maybe this had been his biggest
mistake yet. She was still crying.

"I'm sorry Scully. I don't think I should have told you any of this."

She shook her head vehemently.

"No, you should have. I'm glad that you did. Really glad. Now
it's...it's ours Mulder. I can share these memories with you now
Mulder, good and bad. You don't have to be alone anymore."

He wondered how it was possible to keep loving her more every
day of his life. She was right. This was theirs, and sharing it with
her had allowed him to let her in completely, to love her fully.

He kissed her with a new passion, a startling intensity which she
returned in kind. He trailed his mouth over her face, down her
neck, tasting the salt of her tears and the sweetness of her skin
and she moaned and wrapped her leg around him.

"Mulder," she whispered, "It's time. I want you to make love to
me. Here. Tonight."

Yes, yes it was time. It was finally time. It was finally right. He
felt that with absolute certainty. 

He slipped his hands under her sweatshirt, exploring the warm
terrain underneath. He was happy to discover that she wasn't
wearing a bra. Her nipples felt hard as rocks, probably more due
to the cold from the incoming tide than anything else. But as he
ran his fingers over them she arched under him and sighed. 

She reached down and pulled the top off and he noticed that
water was splashing over them. The ocean was getting closer. It
made her body glisten in the moonlight. Drops of seawater
collected on her breast and he leaned down to suckle them off.
He wrapped his mouth over her nipple and she clutched his hair
hungrily. 

He moved so that he was laying on top of her and she pulled his
T-shirt off clumsily. He noticed that her arms were trembling.

"Scully, are you sure you want this? I can wait as long as you
need."

"No Mulder!" 

Her frantic reply startled him.

"I want this. No more waiting. I NEED this Mulder."

She arched against him, scraping her nails down his back.

"God, I need it."

She needed it. Needed him. It was real. After everything he had
just told him, she needed him still. He allowed himself to feel it,
to believe it. He ran his hands over her body and covered her
mouth in another kiss. He thought he could taste eternity. 

She was a woman. Not a child. He let himself see her that way
for perhaps the first time since this had begun. And he gave
himself permission to treat her that way, to take her like a
woman.

His tongue scraped the insides of her cheeks, probed the back
of her throat and she sucked on it, pulling him deeper into her.
She bit at his lips with her teeth and slid her hands over his bare
back and down under the denim of his jeans, the cotton of his
boxers. She grabbed his ass and he thrust against her in
response. 

He ran his hands down her torso and tugged at the tie of her
sweatpants. It came undone and he pulled them over her hips.
Christ. She wasn't wearing any underwear either. He realized
that he had probably dragged her out of the house in the
clothing she was about to sleep in. He wasn't sure why that
turned him on so much but there wasn't much about his
hormones that he understood. 

He rolled to the side so that he could lay beside her and pull her
pants completely off. So that he could touch her. He ran his
fingers reverently over her belly and into the damp forest
between her legs. She cried out as he rubbed her the way she
had shown him that first night. 

He watched her face as he continued to touch her but his glance
was averted temporarily to the pile of food he'd been
inexplicably motivated to bring along with them. He
remembered a fantasy he'd been given to fixating on back in the
old days. Other days. Whatever it had been. Maybe his choices
hadn't been as random as he'd thought.

xxxxx

He was asking her something. Something...what was it? She
could barely make it out. Everything was fuzzy except for the
exquisite feeling of his hand between her legs. Why did he have
to talk at moments like this? She didn't usually mind, in fact she
enjoyed his passionate ramblings, except when he actually
expected her to talk back, to communicate coherently.

"Hmmmwha?"

"I said are you hungry Scully?"

Hungry? She thought it was pretty obvious that she was hungry.
For him, for this. How could he even ask?

"Cause I'm kinda hungry. I was thinking about all that food I
brought."

All that food he brought?! Her eyes shot open in complete
confusion. He was thinking about food? Now?

"You must be hungry after all that huh?"

He had to be kidding. What the hell was he talking about?

"Mulder, I...I don't...ahhh" She lost the power of speech as two of
his fingers plunged deep into her. He moved them slowly in and
out as he massaged her clit with his thumb. This was more like
it. Just a little more and...

Then he was gone. He was reaching over her body, towards the
damned food.

"Mulder! Dammit!"

"Don't cry sweetheart, I'll be back," he mumbled with an idiotic
grin. She felt like slapping him.

He picked up the bottle of wine and a corkscrew and sat up to
open the stupid thing. It was a long laborious process and she
was starting to really get angry. Was he just stalling? Did he not
want this the way she thought he did?

He was struggling to get the bloody corkscrew out and he gave
her a nervous shrug. She rolled her eyes and wondered if she
should just jump into the sea and end it all.

Finally she heard the thing pop and he took a swig from the
bottle. He held it towards her.

"Have some Scully. It's great."

She bit her lip to avoid screaming out loud and sat up, leaning
on her elbows. He brought the bottle to her lips and turned it
slightly so she could sip it. It tasted surprisingly good. Probably
because every sensory organ in her body was on full alert at the
moment. 

He pulled the bottle back and some droplets dripped down her
chin like drool. He smiled and leaned down, licking the moisture
from her face. She moaned at the feeling of him on her again
and moved to get his tongue back in her mouth but he pulled
away. 

He bent over her again and she watched the way the moonlight
played over his chest and back. His back, she loved his back.
She had a sudden image of his back looming over her body,
muscles tensed with effort, his beautiful behind pumping into her
in a frenzy. She groaned with frustration and he turned back to
her with a carton of strawberries and that same idiotic grin. 

He took one out and dangled it over her mouth.

"Want some Scully."

She shrugged and went to bite it but he pulled it away from her. 

"Not like that Scully. Savor it. Little bites."

She leaned back on her elbows with a sigh. Why was he toying
with her this way? 

He brought the berry back to her mouth and ran the tip over her
lower lip. She licked it in what she hoped was enough of a
seductive gesture to get him back between her legs. He seemed
to like it because he made a little Mulder excited sound but still
he made no move for her. She took a tiny bite off the tip and
chewed it. It did taste amazing. 

As she savored the little bit in her mouth Mulder ran the now
open strawberry over her lips, covering them with the juice.
Then, thank GOD, his tongue was back, licking the taste from
her. She opened her mouth and he slipped inside, tasting the
tiny bit of fruit she hadn't yet swallowed.

He moaned quite loud and she was sure she had him now. But
then he pulled back again. And he ate the rest of the strawberry
in one huge bite.

"What happened to savoring Mulder?"

"Mmm...I just wanted to see you do that," he muttered, his
mouth full. He took another one and brought it to her mouth.
"You can have more of this one Scully."

"Oh thanks. Thanks a lot." 

She smiled despite her frustration. She was starting to
understand that he wasn't really stalling. He was playing with
her. And it really was pretty cute. He seemed to really be excited
about feeding her like this. 

She bit the top half off the next one and chewed it slowly as he
watched with rapt fascination. He ran the open end of the
uneaten half down her chin and smoothly down her neck. The
juice felt sticky and cold but surprisingly good on her skin.
Especially when he started licking it off. 

HIs tongue felt hot and wonderful against her neck and she
arched her whole body towards him, hoping he would give all of
her the same treatment. He ran the fruit down, over her breasts
as he continued to lick and suck on her neck. When she felt the
juicy coldness on her nipple she cried out from the feel of it.
Then she felt his tongue there, lapping at her, and she moaned
and pulled her arms out from under herself. She let herself
collapse back into the blankets and he fell with her. 

She tangled her fingers in his hair, clutching his head to her
breast in a desperate attempt to keep him there. This whole
eating naked thing was cute and all but she was ready for more.
He stayed with her, suckling at her breast and continuing to run
the strawberry down her body. The moisture on her belly caused
her to tremble. Wherever the berry went, Mulder's mouth was
sure to follow. 

Her breast, now moist with saliva, slipped from his lips and his
tongue followed the strawberry trail as she had expected. When
his tongue flicked in and out of her navel she looked down. Her
hips had begun to gyrate off the ground without her knowledge.
He was so close...

"God...Mulder, please!"

But once again, he was gone. He sat back on his knees and
reached for another strawberry from the carton and ran her hand
over her face in frustration. Weren't women the ones who were
supposed to go in for this erotic foreplay? She watched him
carefully remove the stem from the new berry and noticed that
his hands were trembling. Maybe she wasn't the only one getting
anxious.

She was shocked to feel the cold, bumpy texture of the
strawberry sliding inside her. She gasped and caught his eyes.
He winked at her and softly told her, "I'm still kinda hungry
Scully."

xxxxxx

He hoped to God that she didn't think he was a crude pig for
wanting to do this. It was just one of those things, one of those
countless images from his old life that he could never seem to
chase away. They would creep up on him at the most
inconvenient and embarrassing times, in the office, in the
middle of an autopsy, when they were sitting in his car, eating
greasy chicken out of a bag and staking out some seedy
apartment building. All of the sudden he would picture himself,
eating a strawberry out of her vagina, just completely out of the
blue. It didn't really qualify as a fantasy in the strict sense of the
word. It wasn't something he would sit at home and jerk-off
thinking about, wishing he could do. It was just something that
he would see, utterly against his will.

He looked down at the narrow end of the strawberry, peering out
from inside her, and realized that it was in fact, one of the more
beautiful things he had ever imagined. More beautiful in life
even than in his mind. 

He moved his head between her legs and they spread wide for
him, shaking as they did. He stroked her thighs soothingly as he
started to suck lightly on the fruit. So juicy and sweet and a little
bit tangy now as it mixed with her flavor. He took a small bite,
watching her chest rise and fall erratically. He knew he was
making her insane and he couldn't help but gather some
satisfaction from that. Although his own self control was
declining rapidly. 

He was enjoying the strawberry but he was consumed with the
need to taste Scully, just Scully. He took another large bite then
finally sucked what was left out of her and into his mouth. It was
the most amazing thing he had ever tasted. He let it roll around
in his mouth for a moment, savoring the stunning combination of
flavors and textures. Scully was much much better than
chocolate sauce. 

She was also moaning and writhing under him, waiting for him.
When he was finished with his snack he moved onto the main
course, plunging his tongue inside her. He swirled around in her,
trying to find another morsel of strawberry, to lick her clean. She
clutched his head with the same ferocity she had demonstrated
when he'd been at her breast before.  She was trembling quite
hard and her feet were curled up into little balls in the blanket. 

He slid his tongue out of her and ran over the outer lips of her
vulva. She whimpered in that helpless way that told him she was
very close to orgasm and he pressed his tongue, flat and hard,
against her clit. A few small circular motions were all it took. He
stayed with her as the spasms overtook her body and she cried
out his name over and over. It was the best thing in the world,
hearing her call to him when she came. She always did, every
time. Even when it was her own hands doing the work. And it
melted his heart and turned his dick to steel.

He kept his head between her legs as she trembled against him,
continuing to caress her with his tongue until she tugged on his
hair, signaling that it was finally too much. 

He moved up to kiss her mouth and she surprised him with her
frenzied response. Usually she was relatively calm after orgasm
but tonight she was almost crazed. Her legs wrapped
themselves tightly around his back and she bit and licked at his
face and neck while humming almost constantly in the back of
her throat. Before he knew what was happening her hands were
between them, working on the buttons of his jeans. She grunted
with frustration as she tried to pull them off so he helped her.
Soon they and his boxers were lying in a pile with his shirt and
her clothes. 

As soon as he felt his cock pressing against her hot, wet center
he felt almost dizzy with want. And he was afraid. Afraid that he
wanted her too much to really do this, that he would end up
hurting her, moving too fast, too hard, that he would lose all
control. 

He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. He listened to
the ocean for a moment. It was moving closer to them. The
spray from the waves was hitting them almost constantly now. It
almost felt like rain. In a few hours this place would be
completely submerged. He decided to meditate on that for a
moment, to concentrate on the gentle, calm movements of the
waves, rolling in slowly, soothingly...

"Mulder...God Mulder. Fuck me. Do it now!"

The ocean disappeared and all he could feel or hear or see or
smell was her soft, hungry body, arching under him, rubbing
against him. Telling him to fuck her. Jesus Christ. He wondered
if she would ever understand what that did to him. 

He reached over into his jeans pocket for the condom he'd been
carrying around with him since that first night they had been
together and sat back on his knees to put it on. God knows,
getting an eighteen year old Scully pregnant was not high on his
list of priorities. 

Once he was done he took himself in his hands and gently
probed her entrance. She was certainly wet and ready for him
but he knew it wasn't going to be as easy as all that. It was going
to hurt her. A lot. And it made him terribly sad to think that. And
nervous. He'd never had sex with a virgin and it was something
he'd never really planned on. If he screwed it up he would never
be able to forgive himself. 

He counted slowly to himself in his head and tried to concentrate
on one single word. Slow. Do it slow. Very, very slow.

He pushed a little bit and she opened to let him in. He looked at
her face for a sign of discomfort. Her eyes were closed and her
mouth was partially opened. She looked okay. Hell she looked
amazing, but he tried not to think about that too much.

Then he pressed a little further and her eyes shot open. She
gasped and bit her lip. He was hurting her. God, he was hurting
her.

"Scully, are you okay? Should I stop? Does it hurt?"

"No, no don't stop. It hurts a little but it's okay. It's supposed to
hurt. Keep going Mulder."

He was still for a moment to let her get used to the feel and then
moved another inch or so inside. It was supposed to hurt. God, it
was so unfair. She felt so fucking good to him. She was so tight,
so wet, and she was Scully and it was all he could do to keep
from ramming into her like a lunatic and ripping her open. He bit
down on his lip to keep from doing just that. And to share in the
pain a little bit. 

"Is that it Mulder? Is it all the way in?"

God, Scully. How could he hurt her this way? He wasn't even
halfway inside her.

"Mulder?"

"Um, yeah. Yeah it is."

He could just pretend. It didn't have to be all the way in. He
could do it like this. It would be fine.

"Mulder, it's not is it? Just do it Mulder. Just like jumping in the
pool. All the way." 

"Scully...I..."

Suddenly her hands were on his backside, shoving him deep
inside her before he had a chance to stop it. He groaned and
shuddered despite himself at the feeling. He was in. All the way.
And it felt so fucking good. So good. He could lose himself very
easily.

She grimaced and he could tell that she was trying not to cry out
from the pain. He leaned down and touched her face lightly. 

"Th..that's it. It's all the way. Are...are you okay?"

She nodded but he could tell she really wasn't. He moved so
that his whole body was covering hers and took her cheeks in
his hands, kissing her softly. He rested his elbows on either side
of her head and was somewhat gratified when his bone grated
against the hard surface of the rock underneath the blanket.
Pain was good. He needed pain. He needed to share this with
her as much as humanly possible. And he needed something to
distract him from his urges.

"You just tell me when it stops hurting Scully," he whispered. He
would wait. He wouldn't move an inch until she was ready.

xxxxx

When it stops hurting. Scully wondered if that day would ever
come. She felt like her insides were being torn apart.  Why did
she have to be a virgin? It was so unfair, so aggravating. She
could see that he wanted to start moving, to really fuck her
good. He was shaking from the effort of remaining still. And she
wanted it too. In her head. Her stupid body seemed to have
other plans though. 

He was being so sweet, so tender and caring. She appreciated it
more than she could ever express but it was also starting to
drive her a little buggy. It was really amazing lying here in his
arms, feeling him inside her, but she knew she wasn't going to
really enjoy this on a physical level. She was doing it for the way
it made her feel in her heart. And part of her just wished he
would take her in a way that he would really enjoy, a way that
would at least give her the vicarious pleasure. 

"Mulder, it's okay, you can move. It's okay."

He let out a breath she hadn't noticed him holding before and
started to drag himself slowly out of her. She felt as though she
could feel every vein on his throbbing erection scraping against
her insides. She wondered how it could possibly hurt so much
when his fingers didn't hurt her at all. But despite the pain, she
was happy. Happy to see the gratified look on his face and hear
his voice quavering on a moan. She could definitely get used to
this. 

He pulled almost completely out of her and she was grateful for
the temporary respite, until his smile turned to a frown, and his
face took on a look of terror she had never seen. He was looking
down between them.

"Scully..."

She looked down too and saw the problem. She was bleeding. It
was on him. 

"Oh, Mulder...I...I'm sorry..."

She didn't know what else to say. It was so embarrassing. He
had to be utterly disgusted. 

"Scully...sorry? No Scully, it's...it's my fault. I hurt you. I...I broke
you Scully."

He was just sitting there on his knees, looking between them
with an expression of shock and remorse, like he'd just stabbed
someone accidentally. It was ridiculous. 

"Mulder, you didn't break me..." she almost laughed repeating
the words. He was so silly sometimes. "It's supposed to bleed
Mulder. It's normal."

"I...I know but it, it seems like a lot. Are you sure you're okay? I
mean, do, do you need to go to the hospital or something?"

She bit down on her lip to keep from laughing out loud this time.
The hospital? He was really over the edge here. It was sweet
that he was so worried about her but it was so absurd.

"Mulder you don't...people don't...it's a broken hymen Mulder.
You don't go to the hospital for that."

She started giggling uncontrollably at the look of confusion and
concern on his face. How could someone be so simultaneously
brilliant and naive? When she started laughing though, he
smiled.

"Are you laughing at me Scully? Is that what you're doing?
Cause it sounds a lot like you're laughing at me."

She continued to laugh and he joined her. They sat there
partially joined, giggling for a long time. It was beautiful to see
him laugh. He didn't do it very often and it was a wonderfully
soothing thing. It relaxed her. And it made her forget the pain. It
made everything feel good. Maybe she could enjoy this after all.

After they had calmed down a bit she smiled at him
encouragingly. 

"So, does the blood bother you Mulder? Do you wanna stop?"

He looked startled and shook his head.

"Only if you do Scully. It only bothers me because I don't wanna
hurt you." 

She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him
down for a kiss. He moved back over her body and pushed
gently and slowly inside her again. It didn't hurt as much as the
first time. It still wasn't great but it was better.

"Keep going Mulder, it feels good."

And it did. As he gently started moving inside her, holding her
face in his hands and grinning at her, she felt better than she
ever had in her life. The sheer joy of seeing him like this,
sharing in his happiness, was enough to make the pain
irrelevant. 

After several moments of his slow, sensual and rhythmic
thrusting inside her she started to feel like she might even be
able to get some physical gratification. Not an orgasm certainly
but it was starting to feel pretty nice. 

She noticed that he was starting to quiver against her and that
he was panting heavily into her mouth as he kissed her. His
movements sped up a little bit and he pulled back from her. He
flattened his palms against the ground and rose up on his arms
and she watched as his face contorted into a grimace of
pleasure.

"So good Scully...you feel sooo gooood..."

His eyes slipped shut and he reached down, pulling her legs up
so that they rested on his shoulders. It let him deeper inside and
surprisingly it made the pain almost disappear entirely. She was
wide open. 

He looked down at her questioningly.

"Okay? S'okay?" he asked as he started pumping into her
harder, faster. 

"Mmmyeah. S'better."

He nodded and closed his eyes again. He looked so radiant, so
sexy, so damned happy. His body was covered with a mixture of
sweat and sea water, every muscle tensed in effort, his face a
vision of rapture. 

He started moving even faster and every time he pounded into
her, her body shook. His almost constant moaning was now
interspersed with an occasional little "yeah" which for some
reason, made her incredibly hot. He seemed very close. She
hoped he wasn't waiting for her. She hoped he knew and
understood that it just wasn't going to happen for her this time. 

His pumping grew less rhythmic, more frantic and frenzied and
she moaned encouragingly. Then suddenly he stopped. He
looked down at her almost pleadingly.

"Scully? I..."

"It's okay Mulder. It's okay. I want you to come for me. Come for
me, please." 

"I don't...I...."

She grabbed his ass and moved underneath him and he cried
out and bit his lip.

"Give it to me Mulder. Let it go."

Finally he let himself go completely, driving into her with an
almost superhuman force, over and over, lost to her, lost in her.
He was hers. His eyes flew open and he captured her with his
last conscious thought, his last coherent words.

"Love you Scully. Love you. Love you. Love you." 

She felt him expand inside her and then as he made a sound
that reminded Scully of a wolf howling at the moon, she felt him
explode, filling her womb with a heat she had never known.

xxxxx

Water. Lots of water. Mulder was very wet. And it wasn't just
Scully wetness. He had no idea how long he'd been lying on top
of her body in a semi conscious state but at some point the tide
had rolled in completely. They were lying in a rapidly growing
pool of water. The blanket was soaked and he saw the carton of
strawberries floating out to sea. They would be joining them
soon if they didn't move. And their clothes. 

Shit! His car keys. He moved off of her reluctantly and grabbed
his jeans before they were swept away. Scully sat up and
chuckled at him as he gathered their things frantically. Very
amusing. Leave it to him to pick a romantic hideaway that
turned into a deathtrap. 

He tossed her her clothes and she pulled them on hurriedly. He
put on his jeans and grabbed his shirt and her hand, leading her
quickly off the rock and back to safe, dry land. They found a
bench that was far away from the water and sat down to watch
the rocks be consumed by the ocean. Well Scully watched that.
Mulder couldn't take his eyes off her. 

He didn't really know what to say to her to make this better. She
couldn't have possibly enjoyed that but he almost felt too
awkward to even apologize. They sat in silence for several
minutes and he became more and more convinced that she was
trying to think of a delicate way to tell him that it had been the
worst experience of her life. Why had he even tried? He'd
known he wouldn't be able to control himself.

She turned to him suddenly and smiled. 

"Mulder, that was wonderful. Thank you."

"Thank..." he choked and shook his head. She had to be kidding.
Or being polite.

"Scully, you didn't even come. It lasted about five minutes! I was
horrible Scully. I just...I wanted it so bad. I couldn't..." he couldn't
keep talking because his throat constricted. He felt tears welling
in his eyes and had to look away from her. 

"Mulder..." she stroked his hair and tried to turn his face towards
hers.

"Mulder look at me."

He turned to her and looked at her knees. She put her hand
under his chin and forced him to meet her eyes.

"Mulder, stop. It was perfect. Nobody comes the first time. No
women anyway. I wanted you to give yourself to me, completely,
to let yourself go. And you did that. It was just what I wanted
Mulder." 

The tears started flowing freely down his face and he bit back a
sob. She still loved him. She didn't think he was a pathetic
excuse for a man. She still wanted him. 

He slung his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him,
squeezing her tight. 

"I...I'll do better next time Scully. I promise. I'll make it good for
you."

She sighed heavily and shook her head against his chest.

"Do you have a listening impairment Mulder? It was great for
me. I loved it."

"I know but..."

"No buts Mulder. I loved it this time. I'll love it the next time. And
every time. Because I love you. I'll love you forever."

end part 9


Eleventh Hour (10/11)


September 3, 1982

Scully looked down at her plate with a heavy, nauseous feeling.
It had been nearly half an hour since the waitress had set it
down and she'd only managed to stomach a forkful. Mulder
seemed to be faring equally poorly. They sat in the fancy
restaurant in downtown Annapolis without speaking, without
eating. The only movement seemed to be Mulder's incessant
fingers drumming on the table cloth. 

He was nervous. She could tell this much. She was something
that went beyond nervous, to a place of fear and dread that she
had never inhabited. Almost an entire month had gone by since
she had given her body to him on that beach in Delaware. An
entire month spent together laughing, making love, talking.
Talking, but never about this. Never about tonight, or tomorrow,
or what happened after that. 

They were putting it off, both of them. She realized that.
Pretending that it wasn't going to happen, that it didn't have to
happen. And deep inside, she still harbored a hope that it
wouldn't. 

But one look at his dismal face across the table told her
otherwise. He had bad news to tell her tonight. Perhaps worse
that she had feared.

The waitress drifted by and looked vaguely surprised when he
gestured for the check. She dropped it on the table without a
word though. Obviously the dire mood between them was
apparent even to a complete stranger. 

He dropped a pile of bills on the table and reached for her hand.
Without a word he led her out into the night. 

They walked hand in hand, still silent, down the boardwalk for
several minutes. Scully felt strangely put off by the bustle of
evening activity, by the calm of the water and the pretty lights
from the buildings. This was a place that usually made her
happy, a place she knew was going to be ruined for her very
soon. It seemed so wrong that it was the same as always, that
people here were carrying on as if it were just another night,
another hour. She felt like the world was about to end and she
was the only person who realized it.

When he stopped walking and leaned against the railing, letting
go of her hand, turning to her somewhat reluctantly, she thought
for sure that she heard the sky falling. 

"Scully..."

It was all he said for a long time. She stood beside him, looking
out at the water. She heard a little baby crying and it comforted
her in a small way. She wasn't alone at least.

When he started talking again, it was a torrent of words, some
that she heard, some that just echoed in her brain without ever
settling into a logical pattern. 

"I have to go..." was how he started. The rest scarcely mattered
to her. She listened to his careful, well thought out arguments.
She was too young to have this kind of relationship, he would
only end up hurting her by staying around, he would suffocate
her, make it impossible for her to grow or to learn, he had no
idea how much he had screwed things up by coming back here
in the first place and he didn't want to tempt fate any further,
something was telling him it was time to go. 

As he spoke she continued to stare at the water, nodding a few
times when his words rang true, clutching the rail with whitening
knuckles. She felt the tears building inside her and she bit her lip
to hold them back. She couldn't, wouldn't look at him. It would
only make it worse. 

"Scully..."

He reached for her face and she jerked away reflexively. If he
touched her she was sure she would crumble into a million
pieces.

"We'll see each other again Scully. I have to believe that. It's the
only hope I have in this life."

His voice cracked as he spoke and she finally looked at his face.
His eyes were full of water and pain and horror. And she
understood. This wasn't his choice. Not really. He was doing
what he thought was right for her, for the future, for them. She
couldn't be angry with him for this and that made the whole
situation even more painful. 

"Do you understand Scully? Do you believe?"

She wasn't sure how to answer that. Yes she understood. She
understood why he was making the choice but she didn't
understand the cruelty of fate that forced him to make it. Yes
she believed that they were destined for each other but destiny
had let her die once before, what would it do to them now? Yes
she believed that he loved her, that he would wait for her for
eternity but could she believe that their time would ever come?

She nodded as she felt a cold, bitter tear fall down her face. She
wasn't about to beg.

He reached between them again and stroked her cheek with his
thumb, catching the moisture.

"Forever Scully. I swear to God."

He leaned down to kiss her and she kissed him back with
everything she had in her, everything she possessed to show
him what he was to her, to show him that she too would wait,
would love, forever. They kissed with a desperation and
neediness that frightened her. It felt like falling into a black hole. 

She clutched at his jacket for support, feeling as though her legs
might simply give out from under her at any moment. 

The salt of their tears and saliva mixed on her face and she tried
to memorize the taste.

When he pulled back it was like ripping duct tape off her body.

His eyes were still closed and he backed away from her.

"Go Scully."

"I ca..."

"Go now. Please."

He still wouldn't open his eyes. He turned his back to her
completely, unable to watch her walk away from him. She
stumbled backwards a few steps, unable to stop watching his
shaking form. 

When she was several feet away from him she remembered
something important and ran back. She grabbed his shoulder.

"Mulder..."

"Scully PLEASE!" he cried, unwilling to turn around. She pulled
the tiny piece of gold from her neck and placed it in his open
palm from behind him. She closed her fingers around his hand
and kissed the back of his neck. 

"Keep this safe for me," she whispered before turning and
walking the road back to her apartment alone. 

xxxxx

"Mulder, are you all right?"

The frantic shout was almost as loud as the pounding on the
bathroom door. Mulder muttered something noncommittal to
make Mark go away and heaved over the toilet again. He
couldn't remember ever in his life feeling as foul, as dirty. This
was wrong. It was all hideously and deeply wrong. Twisted. 

Who the hell had he thought he was coming back here? He
hadn't saved her, he'd only hurt her sooner. He didn't think he
would ever be able to forget her tears tonight. He'd been
sobbing himself uncontrollably since she'd handed him her cross
and walked away from him on that pier. Sobbing so hard that
when he'd finally managed to drive himself home he'd ended up
vomiting up every ounce of food in his stomach.

He didn't know what he was doing anymore. He didn't know what
in God's name he was supposed to be doing. 

He thought this was the right decision but how was he supposed
to know? How was he supposed to be sure when it made him
feel like dying and hurt her so badly? 

He couldn't live without her. How was he supposed to live
without her? 

"How?" he asked in the empty room. "HOW?"

He stood up and held the sink for support, looking at himself in
the dingy mirror. There was bile dripping from his chin. There
was the same darkness in his eyes that he'd seen after she'd
died. 

"How, you stupid son of a bitch? How?" 

And he knew the answer. There was no way. He couldn't do this.
It was impossible. He didn't care if he was screwing with fate,
playing God, whatever. He didn't care if every bone in his body
was telling him to go, go now before he screwed things up. He
didn't care if it was bad for both of them in the long run, he
needed to be with her now, while he still had the chance. 

He looked again at his deranged visage in the mirror. 

No. He couldn't do that to her, he couldn't stay. But he couldn't
go. 

He brought both his fists to the mirror and slammed into it,
harder than he had intended. Shards of  broken, reflective glass,
stuck to his hands, crashed to the floor. 

He sank to the floor with them, to his knees. Blood from his
hands covered his face as he weeped into them. He felt another
heave building in him but he knew there was nothing left inside.
He was empty.

"What the hell am I supposed to DO?" he moaned to himself. 

He reached into his pocket and took out the memento that she
had given him. Her cross. He thought back to other times, to the
significance of that small piece of jewelry, to how much it meant
to her and what it meant for her to give it to him.

His faith had screwed them up. It had screwed them up royally.
Maybe it was time to give what she believed in a fighting
chance. 

He held the chain in his fingers, dangling the cross in front of his
face and looked upwards. At least he was in the right position.

"Um...I've never exactly done this. I mean I don't really know..."

He broke off into another choking sob. He felt ridiculous but
maybe, just maybe. It was his last hope.

"I just...I need her. I mean I really, really need her. And she..."
he swallowed a gasp and tears stung the back of his throat.
"She believes in you so I just thought maybe you could help us. I
need to know...I need to be sure...I have to know that I'm doing
the right thing here because if I can't be sure then I don't think I
can do it. I need...I need a sign. Anything. I just need to know
that this is the right decision. Please..."

He burst into pathetic, wrenching tears, realizing how far he'd
sunk. Praying to a God he didn't really think existed like some
eleventh hour convert in an exploding mine, sitting on the floor
of a dirty bathroom with blood and vomit covered hands and
knees. But he asked again.

"Please...please...please."

And again and again. And he cried himself to sleep on the floor
of that bathroom like a wounded child.


end part 10


Eleventh Hour (11/11)


Mulder woke with a stiff feeling in his joints. A feeling he wasn't
used to anymore. He was hot and uncomfortable. Sticky.

The bathroom. That's where he'd fallen asleep. No wonder he
was feeling so disgusting. Nothing like sleeping in your own
vomit and blood on a concrete floor covered in glass to give you
a rejuvenated feeling in the morning. 

He wondered sickly what time it was, if he had missed his flight.
Maybe he had. If he had, well maybe he could take that as the
sign he'd been asking for. 

He opened his eyes slowly. Everything was fuzzy and bright.
And yellow. Like sunrise. 

He wasn't on the floor. He wasn't in the bathroom. 

He jerked up, startled, and next to him, a woman sighed.

He wasn't in the bathroom and he wasn't alone.

"Mmm...Mulder, go back to sleep."

He knew that voice. He would have known it anywhere. He
turned to her and shook her naked back. Naked. She was naked.
So was he. Little things started dawning on him slowly. This
place they were, it wasn't her apartment, it wasn't his either. This
bed they were in, it didn't seem familiar. He wondered if maybe
he'd gotten wasted last night and dragged her to a motel. 

"Scully. Scully wake up!"

She made an irritated grunting sound and turned to face him.
She turned and she...she was Scully. She was really, really
Scully. The Scully he had known. The Scully who had died. She
looked exactly the same as she had the last day he had seen
her, the day they had had that terrible fight. 

"Mulder what is it? It's too early." 

He noticed a mirror hanging opposite the bed. Their bed? He
looked at their reflection. He was him. Forty years old again.
And she was her. Naked. In their bed.

"Scully what day is it?"

She rolled her eyes and turned over again.

"Go to sleep Mulder."

"What year is it? Scully? What year?"

"Mulder shuddup and lemme sleep. We've gotta go to work in a
couple hours."

Work. Where did they work? What state were they in? What
planet??

For a minute he was sure it had to be a dream or hallucination.
Then the next minute he figured everything else that had come
before had been a dream. But maybe none of it was a dream.
Maybe it was all real. 

"Scully, I'm serious. I need to know. What..."

She sat up and turned to face him fully and the blanket fell,
revealing her soft, beautiful body underneath. He couldn't finish
the question.

"Mulder, I'm serious too. Stop being silly and let me..."

She drifted off and stared blankly down at his hand. He followed
her gaze. The cross. It was the fucking cross, shining golden in
the sunlight. 

"Mulder where...where did you find that?" 

She reached over and took it from him, turning it over and over
in her hands.

"I um...I don't..."

"Mulder I can't believe you found that! I've been looking
every...for years...I...."

Tears started to flow down her face but this time she was
smiling. This time they were tears of happiness. 

Suddenly she threw her arms around him, startling him. For a
moment he didn't respond because he was so gripped with
confusion and uncertainty. He still didn't know where they were,
or what their lives were like, he didn't know what had happened
in the past, what he had chosen, how he had gotten here. But as
he felt her arms tighten around him, as her lips began tracing
sweet kisses down his neck and arms, as she whispered "I love
you so much", he realized none of that mattered much. He must
have done something right because somehow, some way, he
had ended up here. 


END! :)

More ramblings from the author:
Okay, that was the first idea for a fanfic that I ever had. I posted
it a looong time ago as a challenge and nobody answered it as
far as I know so I decided to take it on myself. It's my first
attempt at a pre-Xfiles story and I'm a teensy bit uncertain about
it. Any feedback, good, bad or ugly, would be greatly
appreciated! Thanks for reading folks.